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Saturday, 15th June 2024

Chapter 1 – Anticipation


I’ve been waiting for this moment for the longest, and now that my departure is near, I wish I could delay the suspense, and make this moment last a bit longer. Funny though, these last months I used anticipation as a means of distraction from uncertainty, isolation, and steadiness.
We all feel lost sometimes, wondering where will fate lead us from here on out. Thankfully, knowing I was going to make this excursion served as an antidote to my routine. In this process I surprisingly found myself connecting more with my family, but an escape was needed, and that was the very first moment in which I started fantasizing about this journey.

Andy Warhol said, “The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.” I have to confess: anticipating this travel provided novelty to my everyday life.


Asking myself what might happen on this trip overwhelmed my heart with emotions, making it really hard to keep it all to myself. I had to tell my best friend Penelope what was about to happen; that is how we started a long conversation on anticipating the future.
“Are you worried or excited?”
“Definitely excited. I had a nervous moment but it’s a trip I’ve always wanted to take, and it’s full of meaning to me.”
“What if there is a chasm separating your expectation from the reality? Think about it: everyone uses photoshop! Who knows how they look like in real life!” she giggles. “All those famous names, and the celebrities, the luxurious brands, they have always sold us a dream. We don’t know anything about none of them. So how.”
I sighed, “You are right. But still, I don’t feel anxious about it. Even if the travel turns out to befferent from what I expect, I won’t mind. I built up so much positivity that surely I would be able to minimize the bad while focusing on the good.”
“I’d be so stressed out in your position. I don’t deal well with unexpected events. I need to be assured that everything is as planned.”

Ok, Penny is the impatient type. She doesn’t enjoy waiting, she hates suspense, and definitely not the type to surprise. She almost enjoys collecting her anxieties. I wouldn’t mind if the journey doesn’t measure up to my fantasies; even so, the thrill of awaiting helped me overcome the blue days. But still, she succeeded in ruing my mood. I hate it when she does that. Why can’t you just be happy for me, and stop making it all about how you feel? I’m afraid there is no going back, yet I won’t necessarily see it as a negative thing, I trust what the future holds.


The winds are blowing a change, small deeds, shy buzz are showing the transition. Windows wide opened, I look up to the sky. A long breath: the air is crisp clear, and with my eyes closed I can hear an engine noise approaching. I need to pack. I won’t be allowed more than the essential for this journey. Understandable. There is little to no place on the spaceship reserved for all of my convictions and beliefs reason I should carefully choose what to bring along. Ok, it is getting to me. The agitation is mixed with fear. Will I be really left alone in an unknown place? What if I’m not able to find my way home? I can’t move, all these thoughts are paralyzing, and the ticking goes on, and the engine noise is nearer.

What’s going to happen now?


Here we are, the day has arrived. I found it hard to distinguish my emotions this morning, and now it’s not getting any better. It was a sleepless night, I kept on twisting and turning in my bed, despite the amount of tiredness my body felt, I couldn’t stop my head from crossing the whole galaxy.
Now, in my spacesuit with this helmet in my hand, I can’t help to think about all the things I’m leaving behind. With a slow movement, I wear my helmet and suddenly all around is hashed. Thoughts included.

Incredibly my worries are far away, and the only thing I can think about is what’s ahead of me. Chin raised, one foot after the other, just one last door to go through.

I’m ready.

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